I spent 10 years on active duty, and now at nine years in reserves. I'm running my own business, doing consulting, and working full time...type A, no, not me?
Since separating from AD in 2000, I've had problems getting along in nearly every position I've been in. I blamed it on working for attorneys for the first six or seven years and then landed a supervisory job, which I loved! I felt like I had finally landed where I needed to be, but things soon changed.
I moved on to another job, another state and another start with the same result.
The same problems I had when I got out are the same issues I find even now. The work ethic, personal integrity and values in the civilian world are just not the same. They don't give a flip that you served your country or continue to do so...that's just a "hardship" while you're away doing drills.
I'm emotionally exhausted from trying to "lead by example" and to try to hold people accountable while the "cat's away"...it's not my job to do that anymore, but then whose doing it?
My frustration is that I'm being compared side-by-side to people who have no honor and who would never do the same for me as I'm willing to do for them.
Every day I leave my job with an ache in my stomach and a swimming head wondering what the hell I'm doing and why?
I'd quit, but I need that small amount of income to sustain my business until it gets off the ground.
I did ask one of my co-workers whose brother is AD Army. She told me that when something goes amiss, I react and everyone can see my reaction. I stiffen up, I walk a different way and my tone changes. I guess the way I look at it is that if they were doing their jobs, I wouldn't feel so anxious.
I suppose that comes from knowing that in the military, you are all trained the same way and that the person next to you has your back and you can count on them and while this isn't life or death here in "civi land," I can't even count on people (including our manager) to show up on time for a meeting.
Any suggestions or are my expecatations just too high?
(Submitted by Laura Simas)
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